UPDATE......where are we now?

So I haven't posted in a while, life happened, so to catch you up to speed.....we went on June 3, 2021 out to Santa Monica for our first embryo transfer, procedure went well, followed all the doctors instructions and despite having a ton of cramping and feeling like I was pregnant we had a negative pregnancy test both 7 days and 10 days later. The results came as a surprise to me but was informed after that based on egg/ embryo quality the odds were not in our favor to begin with.

"I have never experienced loss"

It hit me much harder than I had anticipated I kept holding onto this hope that they made an error, or tested too soon. But the reality was we were not pregnant. I had to stop all meds after the second negative test and was waiting to hear from the agency and my Intended Momma on what was next.

When I say I was blessed with my daughter and pregnancy, I truly was. I had never experienced a pregnancy loss. I had never tried to get pregnant and it didn't work or I couldn't. So to expect or hope to be pregnant and then NOT, effected me in a way I wasn't quite prepared for. The reality is very numbing. I felt this weight and this guilt and this responsibility even though I was told it was nothing I did or didn't do.

"It truly made my heart hurt for all the women experiencing infertility"

I just wanted to wrap my arms around my Intended Momma and tell her I was so sorry, but decided to wait for her to reach out to me first after receiving the devastating news. Within what seemed like minutes I had a message from her asking if I was okay!!! Was this woman for real?? She just lost her one and only embryo and she was asking me if I was okay??? I was truly amazed, how could a stranger suffering a loss I couldn't even begin to imagine, offer me such kindness and grace. She said it was important to her that I was okay too. WOW....mind blown! And in that moment I knew that her and I could do this. We were matched for a reason. If she was ready to pick up the pieces and do it again I was ready too.

So we regrouped, in stopping all the meds it allowed my body to have a cycle and get rid of all the tissue and embryo that didn't attach. I got back on birth control and waited for what was next. Waiting is hard and feels like forever in this journey. As she searched for an egg and a sperm donor to create new embryos I waited for the green light to start a second med cycle and a new transfer date.

September 3, 2021...... Transfer #2

And just like that we are back in business. Exactly 3 months from the first transfer, and I'm feeling so good about it. Someone told me sometimes we don't get blessings until we are truly ready to receive them, and I couldn't feel those words to be more true than right now! All the positive vibes and baby dust as we roll into this next part of our journey. Morning sickness, nausea, headaches, insomnia....bring it on! WE READY!